1) MEETS ARE ADDICTIVE
They can lead to vacation
rescheduling around these twice yearly meets. You may find that a
weekend in Cleveland, Ohio is more appealing than a week at the
2) MEETS TAX YOUR MIND
Some people like numbers. 392, 413,
888, 999, 375, 380. Should any of these numbers mean anything to you,
there are quite a few other accountants you can buddy around with.
Some people like words. Regimental, Brute, Mesa, Cloud are some of
the linguistic adjectives thrown around, along with adverbs such as
quickly, painfully, slowly and the ever popular – rarely.
3) MEETS ARE TIRING
After driving between 1 and 20 hours
to get to a meet, the time allowed for one to sleep is a maximum of
3 hours the first night, 2 the second night, and 1 the third night.
When the “Night Crew” takes a break, the “Early
Morning” crew takes over. After the meet is over, you can drive
home between 1 and 20 hours. Some of us only make it an hour’s
drive from the meet before sneaking off to a non-concours motel for a
decent night’s sleep.
4) MEETS CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO
What a cross section! Doctors,
lawyers, mechanics, pilots, foresters, truck drivers, business
owners, realtors, housewives, AARP members, executives, college
students, bartenders, and insurance agents (to name a few) all mix
together. And what an unholy mess that should be. And some of the
Ladies? Well, not very lady-like at all with grease on their attire.
However, they seem peaceable most of the time, only getting out of
hand when the merits of the hemi versus the wedge performance is
5) ABSOLUTE STRANGERS THINK YOU ARE
Should you drive a 300 to a meet,
all sorts of strangers feel they can talk to you, ask you personal
questions (what’s under the hood, where did you get it, is that
a stock windshield washer bag..) Just because you share a hobby,
these people talk to you. In fact, they talk all day and all night.
You may want to eat or sit in your room or even (heaven forbid,
rest). This is not possible. In fact, it’s been documented that
some have had to endure talk for 6 or more hours before they could
claim their room.
6) YOU MAY THINK IT TOO FAR TO GO IN
AN OLD CAR
That excuse won’t wash with
these fanatics. One guy thinks nothing of driving cross country. He
says 300,000 miles on his 300 is just the break-in for it. Others may
call you and ask if you want to caravan with them. This of course
causes all sorts of etiquette questions. On a break down, should the
caravanner wave the others on, make them go out for parts, or help
carry the water.
7) YOU MAY ALSO THINK MECHANICAL
FAILURE IS A GOOD REASON NOT TO COME
Again, you are disillusioned. Break
downs at meets are jolly good times for all the mechanics to have a
hand in the beloved innards of engines, electrical components,
transmissions, whatever. You will probably have a hard time keeping
them at bay. And they all know to remove belt buckles, rings and
watches to protect paint. It’s sort of funny to watch one strip
down for a go at the problem.
8) IF YOU DON’T HAVE A 300, YOU
DON’T HAVE TO COME
Good Try! Won’t work! Allowed
at meets nowadays is air travel, driving brand X or towing a junker
home. Some come looking to buy parts or whole cars. Many come with
pictures of their particular home-bound 300. In fact, some bring
whole albums. See number 5 above – albums magnify that problem.
9) IF YOU COME TO A FALL MEET, YOU
MUST ENTER CONCOURS
Most don’t. Whether it’s
the fun of watching the judges climb under, over and through, scratch
their heads trying to add up points, or juggle clipboards, jack, pen,
and/or creeper at once, most would rather sit on the sidelines. (See
number 5 again). Lots of people want to learn more about the cars and
trail behind the judges asking questions. Too late they learn they
can be pressed into duty should they display inordinate interest.
Then too, many people don’t
want to see their pride and joy being picked on. It’s just too
personal a thing for them. “What do you mean half a point
deducted for gum wrappers? I don’t chew gum! What kid did
10) A FAMILY “EVENT” IS
PRESSING THAT WEEKEND
Under certain circumstances, the
club will phone home to the family to let them know you are OK and
will return on Monday. The club may also announce the birth weights
and lengths and time of delivery. Purchase of a Club T-shirt will
ensure proof of your attendance. Most all club members would gladly
autograph it for you. The Honeymoon Suite (in other circumstances)
may also be available at meet sites.
11) BUSINESS MEETINGS ARE BORING
Well, yes. However, if you enjoy
watching people escaping by way of balconies, nodding off to sleep or
arguing the merits of synthetic brake fluid versus regular in hushed
tones that can rise as the subject heats up, then you may like this
part of the meet. It takes all kinds and these 300 meets are able to
rise to all occasions.
12) YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A MEET,
KNOW NO ONE, AND FEAR YOU WILL BE BORED
There’s not much we can say
about the first part. It’s up to you to give a 300 meet a try.
As for knowing no one, you will discover that will be true for
approximately 2.5 minutes or the time it takes for you to encounter
your first club member. Opening gambits, such as “which car is
yours”, “how long did it take you to get here”,
“where are you from” are not original. You can probably
say anything and it will start the talk flowing. And that should
remedy the boredom.
SEE YOU IN MICHIGAN!