A Day In The Life Of A Hobbyist

By Paul Markham

Reprinted from the 1990 Club News Volume XVII Number I

You come out to your 1960 whatsit convertible and notice the red paint is bubbled. You poke it with your finger and it goes through. A friend of yours says he knows of a junkyard that has several just like it and one is even the same color. Here is a day in the life of a hobbyist.

10:00 PM

Friday. Set alarm for 6 AM to get at the junkyard when it opens.

11:16 AM

Wheelcover hits state police car on other side median in middle of windshield.

6:10 AM

Dream about being in a boxing match. Wake up to your wife punching you in the ribs because the alarm has been ringing for 10 minutes.

11:17 AM

Decide to take scenic route down back roads home.

6:12 AM

Stumble into the bathroom. Reach under sink for mouthwash. Open bottle, take a swig and spray bathroom mirror.

12:10 PM

Stop at restaurant for lunch.

6:13 AM

Put bottle of Pine-Sol back where it belongs.

12:25 PM

Get food. Tastes like pine cleaner.

6:20 AM

Fix breakfast that tastes like pine cleaner.

12:55 PM

Come out of restaurant to see police car with broken windshield drive by slowly. Police officer looks extremely annoyed.

6:30 AM

Leave driveway.

12:59 PM

Return to pick-up which you had thoughtfully hidden behind dumpster.

6:35 AM

Return for tools.

1:12 PM

Arrive home.

6:58 AM

Arrive at junkyard.

1:20 PM

Start process of changing fenders.

8:00 AM

Owner arrives at usual time to open up.

3:30 PM

Getting there.

8:05 AM

Sign in and owner tells you four cars like yours are around back and to the left.

3:45 PM

Almost got it on. Crack knuckles again. Use blue language.

8:11 AM

Wait for heartbeat to return to normal after you turned right and almost stepped on the guard dog.

3:47 PM

Four year old daughter, that you didn’t know was behind you, goes inside, repeats what you said to Mommy.

8:25 AM

Find cars. Red one like yours is missing fender but blue car looks OK.

3:48 PM

Wife informs you that you are now sleeping on the couch.

8:45 AM

Wrench slips and you smash knuckles against sharp piece of metal.

4:10 PM

Finally done. Paint even matches car.

9:30 AM

Still trying to get the last bolt out.

4:45 PM

Clean up. Load wife and kids in car and head for the drive-in.

10:30 AM

Still can’t get the fender off.

5:05 PM

Park car. Crowd leaves new Corvette and comes over to drool on your car.

10:40 AM

Give up and return to the office for advice.

5:20 PM

Get food. Still tastes like pine cleaner.

10:45 AM

Pay for the red fender which yard had pulled off because your friend said you’d probably be in to get it.

5:25 PM

Police car with broken windshield pulls in next to you. Office compliments you on nice car.

11:45 AM

Driving down highway, wheel cover comes off pick-up and becomes air born.